Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
