It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
