fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
