is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize