He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
