I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
