last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He passed out mid-signature
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize