you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Randomize
