mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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