if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
