omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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