$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
