Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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