So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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