I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
