this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize