I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
