im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
