It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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