I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
