i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize