OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just blew my weed a kiss
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
