Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
