They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
