i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
