More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
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