You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
