I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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