You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
