You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
