i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
