What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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