We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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