Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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