I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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