After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
