This is not my ceiling
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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