I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
