weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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