I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
