The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
