Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
