Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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