I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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