Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
