We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
