My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
