we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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