Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
