The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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