Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
