So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
