if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
