How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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