So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
