Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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