ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
