so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
