She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
