I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
