I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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