I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
