What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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