my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
