Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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