in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm bleeding and have questions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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