If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize