Define "chronic" masturbator.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
