I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
