Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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